After what has seemed like an eternity, our Jersey housewives have recently returned to Bravo! While we don't like to play favorites with our housewives series, the Jersey gals always hold a special place in our hearts because, well...we are Jersey gals too! Even though it's not always portrayed in the best light, we still get a kick out of seeing our home state "on display, on display."
With three departing cast members, three brand new cast members, and one returning familiar face (welcome back, Dina!), our Honorary Gal Andy Cohen has given the series a much-needed shake-up. Just like we did for the most recent Housewives installments of New York City and Beverly Hills, it's time to rate the new opening lines! To be perfectly honest, we were slightly underwhelmed during our first listen, but hopefully that will change as we hear them again and again throughout the season. Let's jump in and see what the ladies have in store for us this time!
TERESA: You never know how strong you are until it's the only choice you have.
Sighhh...so it looks like we're going "serious" with the taglines for this season. As every Bravoholic knows, Teresa has been with this franchise from the very beginning and is the break-out star. She is also currently embattled in a legal dispute that may involve jail time, and could even result in deportation for her husband. I understand why she wants to present herself with a less frivolous tagline this season, but it's not too fun for us viewers (remember last season when she was calling out the "haters" because all she does is "love, love, love"? That's the kind of galish line I was hoping for!). Basically, this line is missing Teresa's trademark sass, so it's also missing the mark for me.
MELISSA: I've learned to forgive and never regret.
Alright Melissa, we get it – your storyline no longer involves fighting with Teresa. And while I’m all for moving on with some fresh
TWINS - NICOLE & TERESA: You're not seeing double - you're seeing trouble!First and foremost, I’m shocked that these new gals decided to do a shared tagline! I get that you’re twins and it's clearly their thing, BUT, based on the little I’ve seen from them so far, neither seems to shy away from the spotlight, so I don’t know why they wouldn’t each want their own tagline and identity!? But putting that aside, it’s not a completely terrible tagline. At least it’s not as serious as some of the others, and it does give the promise of some drama, so I suppose it’s perfectly fine… not great, and certainly not making any top 10 lists (umm.. and side note, we totally need to put one of those together in the near future!), but just fine.
AMBER: I'm a survivor - no one is bringing me down.
DINA: I'm back to bring the zen - Namaste, bitches.
Dina is my favorite Manzo (though let's face it, she wasn't exactly facing too much competition from the Caroline clan!) so I was thrilled when I learned she was returning to the series this season. However, I was less than thrilled to see her new Earth Mother personality (maybe that's why she and Danielle always fought when they were on the show together - they were too similar with their "love and light" attitudes!). She is really forcing the zen angle this season, though at least she slightly tempered it with her oh-so-ironic "Namaste, bitches." Does this maybe mean that we can count on Dina to bring some drama this season? Pretty please?
Now let's rank our favorite and least favorite lines:
This is a tough one for me because I am just not that impressed with anyone's opening line this season! I tend to like the fun, punny lines (like Aviva's leg comment for the past season of NYC), so these are a bit too somber for my taste. Having said that, a winner must be crowned and for me, that honor goes to Dina by default. Her line isn't fantastic by regular Housewives standards, but at least she attempted to be slightly saucy.
There are many other horses in the race for least favorite, but I think I have to hand this one to Melissa. I don't like that she's playing the martyr once again by talking about her ability to forgive (especially since I think she's just as much to blame as Teresa for their family feuds), and I really don't understand where she's going with the "never regret" ending - did she steal that from her old high school yearbook? Bottom line - I expected much more sass from you, Melissa!
As for the other end of the spectrum, I could pretty much make an argument for any of the others to be the big loser (or as Andy would say, the Jackhole!), but since I have to narrow it down, I’m giving this one to Amber! I just really can’t get past the fact that she’s giving us a recycled tagline.. and a worse version at that! And just like B’s gripe with Melissa, from the little I’ve seen of Amber, I was certainly expecting more sass and at the very least, more snark!!
Do you agree with our choices, or does another housewife's line reign supreme for you? Don't flip a table on us, just comment below!