Thursday, November 7, 2013

Opening Lines: Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Hello, daaahling! Christmas came early this week with the debut of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills season 4. We're beyond ready to jump into another season filled with "chi-chi-chi" as we wonder what can possibly top the leg-stealing, cotton candy sucking, hot mess of screaming matches and tears that we've cherished in past seasons. 

As any loyal Bravo fan knows, each housewife delivers a gem of a sassy opening line in the theme song, and we couldn't wait to hear what kind of zingers the ladies had in store for us with this new season. As our honorary gal Andy Cohen would say, "here's what": let's dive in and discuss the tag lines! 

KYLE: I'm from this town. I know what's real and what's fake!

Oh, KYLE. We've been over this countless times - we know alllllllll about your Beverly Hills upbringing (as you told us in your season 3 tag line, "I'm born and raised in Beverly Hills. This is my town!"). I understand that you're playing on your home turf, but it's time to get a new shtick. As Taylor Armstrong would say, "Enough! En-OUGH!!!"

YOLANDA: Don't tell me you're my friend; act like one.

Yolanda is a straight-shooter who doesn't have time for the high school drama that many of the other housewives thrive on (which is probably why she's not always the most exciting housewife to watch, even though I will always love the way she stood up for Brandi last season against "The Morally Corrupt Faye Resnick"). This line perfectly demonstrates her blunt, no-nonsense attitude.

BRANDI: In Beverly Hills, the higher you climb, the farther you fall.

Maybe it's because her hilarious book is chock full of witty one-liners (and one of our Beach Book picks), but I expected a lot more sauciness from Brandi. Call me crazy, but doesn't "the higher you climb, the farther you fall" apply in ANY situation and not just in Beverly Hills?! I love you, Brandi, but you can do better.

KIM: Everybody loves a comeback story, especially starring me!

While we're all happy that Kim is healthier than she was in earlier seasons after finally going to rehab, her tag line last year ("Life is a journey, and I'm finding myself every day") was a bit too serious and tame for everyone's favorite turtle-loving former child star. Kooky Kim is at her best when she's being a bit wacky and marching to the beat of her very own drummer, so I'm pleased that this opening line is much spunkier than last year's (and I'm totally rooting for a Kim acting career revival that will lead to some starring roles in Lifetime movies!).

CARLTON: In my world, money doesn't talk; it swears.

This is Carlton's first season as a housewife, so this line is our very first impression of her...and is anyone else completely baffled?! I'm really not sure what she's trying to convey here but considering that she named her children Destiny, Mystery, and Cross, perhaps it's best if I don't try to crawl too deeply into her thoughts.

JOYCE: You can never be too young, too thin, or too honest.

Joyce is the other new housewife this season, and I like that her line is somewhat catty (in asserting her youth and beauty) while simultaneously praising the wholesome virtue of honesty (and we all know that Real Housewives "honesty" is just an excuse to say whatever you want, which usually leads to more fighting!). She's definitely one to watch this season (and not just because of her stunning hair - sorry Kyle, you've officially been dethroned as the Pantene Queen!).

LISA: Life is a sexy little dance, and I like to take the lead.

Yes, Lisa, we know that you were on Dancing with the Stars but thanks for taking the time to remind us once again that you've successfully been able to extend your fame with appearances on other reality shows (including our other reality obsession, Vanderpump Rules!). This line is fine, but it pales in comparison to Lisa's opening statement from last year (which just so happens to be my all-time favorite Housewives tag line from all cities/seasons):

"Life isn't all diamonds and rosé, but it should be."

Ain't that the truth.

Which housewife has your favorite/least favorite line this season?


P.S. When I visited California earlier this year, I had the absolute pleasure of dining/stalking the wait staff at Sur (Lisa's restaurant/the site of Vanderpump Rules). Not only did we have a delish meal and pose by the cute little pink Sur car parked outside, but we met reality starlets Stassi and Katie (and creeped up on them for a photo) - just had to share my mini fangirl freakout collage with all of you lovely TSN readers!


  1. Haven't watched this show (maybe i should!), but judging from what I see here, my vote goes to Lisa! Love that photo collage :)

    1. I guarantee you would love it, and you can definitely jump right in!


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